Old Friends, New Friends, Changes of Hearts

Friendship
And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
- Khalil Gibran

On this past Saturday night there was a reunion of people from college. Some of us lived in the dorm together, some connected through the Leaning House, and others had just connected through mutual friends. I had no intention of going.

I don't know if I'm becoming stranger with age or just wisening up enough to see more of me as the years go by but even a simple party with those I knew became a learning experience. My initial thoughts were that I already talk to or seek out those who I feel the need to interact with so who cares about the rest. As the requests came from more & more people that I attend, instead of complimentary, it just made me feel weird. I couldn't figure out why all of these people I never make an attempt to talk with were wanting my company.

Why was it so important I be there?

Earlier on Saturday, I painted my toenails, showered and washed my hair so that I would be prepared to make an appearance. I had decided to go for an hour or so and then slip out. Around 5 or so, the thunder began and ooooooooooh I had an excuse to stay in. I just knew it would begin pouring down rain at any minute and who would fault me for not wanting to drive. I drove to get dinner and afterwards began cleaning.

At almost 9pm I got a call from a friend saying that I had to come and he'd been waiting for me. He was leaving to return to LA Sunday and just had to see me. This got me dressed and out of the house.

You know what? I had fun. It was actually really nice to talk to those of like minds. The connection was there and even though it had been years since I'd seen some, the interaction was just as easy as 20 yrs ago. It was also amazing to see how much of the same mischief and childlike qualities most of us still possessed.

Many seem to make me appear larger than life and I heard a few exaggerations about my past, but even that gives a feeling of love. I heard a few accounts of past events that I wasn't sure whether or not I really participated in, but then again, I wasn't 100% sure and they could have been true. There were memories brought back of times I'd forgotten and I got to remind some others of their forgotten pasts as well. I also got to clear up one story over 10 yrs old.

I so enjoyed myself at the party I had not planned on attending and I'm glad that call came through to make me get off my azz. It appears that sometimes I can forget how much I appreciate some of my old friends. There were also a few conversations with those I didn't know that were refreshing.

Old friends, new friends, and I'm thankful for a change of heart.

The Human Contract

"The Human Contract" is the first written & directed by Jada Pinkett Smith. I'm now ready to see what else she brings to the table.

One friend was excited because the female lead in the film was pretty much a "player" and he seemed to think this was extraordinary. I told him that I think it happens more often than not but whereas a woman might be more willing to admit aloud her mistakes, a man definitely isn't going to share with the boys how he got got.

The movie takes us into the life of a successful businessman who gets caught up in the web of the "exotic" woman. She's married but her husband allows her to play. He's in the middle of a divorce and the biggest business deal of his life. As you can guess, all of this gets pushed aside as he falls madly for this woman like no other he's ever met.

Jada makes an appearance in the film as well.

Of course there were parts of the storyline we all wished had been explored more but for me, I enjoyed it because it was something different and kept me wanting to see what would happen next. Worth renting for sure.

Julie & Julia

Now I was excited about seeing this movie and so when my friend Tamra received a pass to the screening, I was on her every day about going.

I love food. I love trying out new recipes. I love watching others cook. I like both Meryl Streep & Amy Adams a lot and after seeing the movie, I have a much greater love for Julia Childs. I can relate to Julia's approach to food with an almost childlike fascination and enjoyment. Even moreso, I loved the relationship she had with her husband and the amazing support & love she received from that union. Without him, I don't think we would have been blessed with all the love of food & cooking Julia gave to us.

Our growth isn't completely dependent upon ourselves and I think this movie highlights how we become all we can be through our relationships with others.

Great movie. Entertaining, endearing, funny, exciting and definitely worth seeing. My friend Tamra went only because she knew I was excited to see it but came away loving it.

Revolutionary Road

I didn't really get much from the trailers that made me feel as if I needed to rush out to see "Revolutionary Road" upon it's theatrical release. I did attempt to see the free screening, but the line was soooooooo long by the time I got to the theater, my friend and I left for other entertainment.

Well, I watched it last night and was actually very surprised. For me it was so intense and thought provoking that I was glad I decided to put it on my rental list. I'm also now wishing I had someone to discuss it with who has seen the film.

Even though the story took place during an earlier time period, it still spoke to what happens for many today. Getting stuck and not knowing what your "true calling" is or having a clue as to how to figure it out. Working the 9 to 5 that you hate but you know you also like having a place to live, a car to drive, and your utilities operating. Or else the woman who married that guy who would take care of her for the rest of life, but realized that it's just not enough and there's a longing to be leading a different life.

It all rests on whether or not you can face the fear to just get out. Leap and pray that you land in one peace. How do you begin? What door do you choose?

Good movie!

See yourself as changing all the time. Encourage change in others. When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop. - Deepak Chopra

Had to repeat that one from Deepak Chopra's twitter just now. Everything about it I like.

1) See yourself as changing all the time.
Many, in ignorance, see change as a threat. I think we've all heard someone say at some point how they were not going to change or how someone was trying to change them and they were just keeping it real and being them.

I see change as a positive because my constant goal is to learn and grow. As we learn and apply that knowlege, it creates growth in some form and that growth is change. Wisdom does not come to us without change. Things around us are constantly changing and if we're just standing still, i believe that would mean that life is passing us by.

If you're not changing, then you are not being all you can be or living your life to the fullest. In that sense, you really aren't being the "real" you without change.

2) Encourage change in others.
If we are just nodding our heads in agreement and amening our way throughout our relationships with others, we aren't doing ourselves or others any good. We need others & others need us. Interaction with others can give us the valuable knowledge and experience that is needed to encourage growth and wisdom. By encouraging others, our own lives become a bit better as well.

We do however, need to remember to encourage them out of love and in a loving way.

3) When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop.
Wow. We are all guilty of at least thinking a fixed opinion and oftentimes many of us take it further by letting it come out of our mouths. Every person has a story unique unto themselves and everyone has something to offer us.

We also can just talk too much. The more talking we're doing, the less productive and positive thinking we're doing. Before saying it, we should at least ask ourselves if it's necessary and if us saying it will produce a positive change.

What Am I Looking For..........

in a man? That was yesterday's question. It would be so nice if and when the day comes that a man asks that question and my answer can simply be "you". Unfortunately, it was not the case on yesterday and so I had to think of not only what I wanted, but how to verbalize it so that the message was received clearly.

First and foremost, I've decided that I need, crave, desire, want dependability. I need to know that I can count on my partner to be there when I need him. I need to know that if he tells me he'll be some place at a specific time, he'll be at that place at that time. I need to know that I don't have to think of who to turn to in a time of need, because he's there. I want to know that he's truly a friend, confidant, lover, partner and mate 100% of the time. Not just when it's convenient or works out that way.

I want a strong and stable man. This man has emotions and his strength allows him to express himself. He will have the courage to face fears head on and the strength to protect me.

Honesty & trustworthy go right along with dependable. The ability to verbally as well as physically communicate is a must as well.

A man who is passionate about life and has a drive to learn & grow. Our specific passions don't have to be the same, but hopefully there will be an openness to sharing.

If he were handsome and 5'10" or taller, that would be the icing on the cake......

The African

I had a date a lil over a week ago with a guy who I'll call "The African". Originally from Zaire but came here for school and found his way to the Big D afterwards. There were several red flags for me right off.

I hadn't heard from him the day before what would be our date and decided to call him. He said that he had been in the hospital from food poisoning. A friend showed up with some fish that you can only get in his region of Africa and so there was a dinner party to celebrate. My first thought was that the trip was a bit long for me to have wanted to eat it. He said that it was dried and so I could understand a bit more. The next thing he said was that the hostess mentioned it was a bit spoiled but she had "fixed" it. Well, the entire dinner party ended up in the hospital. As if that wasn't enough, then he tells me how sometimes people spray the fish with bug killer to keep the flies away.

Not yet over that, I still picked up the phone again when he called. That night I was going out to a jazz club about 40 miles away and he invited himself. I said okay and went on my way. He didn't show up but after some great conversation with a guy I met there and a few martinis, I hit the road before it got too late. Twenty mins into the drive home, I get a call. He had actually driven the 40+ miles but when he couldn't find the club, went to a gas station to find a map. At this point, he realized he had a flat tire. After he changed the tire, he realized that he had gotten dirty and went home with the intention of changing and coming back.

As if that wasn't enough, I still accepted his invitation to dinner the next night. He wasn't really talking when we first met and it was bad enough that I suggested we perhaps just go home. He was upset and pouting because he left home without his cell phone. He got over it and was eager to order the one thing he always got at this restaurant. He didn't have to look at the menu because he always got this one item. Our food comes and after eating half of his fries, he realizes that he can't eat his meal because it has pork in it and he stopped eating pork 2 years ago.

I'm over it but we talk. As long as we were in agreement on whatever subject it was, all was well and he was laughing and cheerful. Any time I disagreed with him about something, he got quiet and the subject was changed. By the end of everything he wasn't speaking at all and when I asked about it, I learned that by me disagreeing with him, I was being confrontational.

I think I went out with a 5 year old trapped in a man's body.