What Is Sexy

Here's the article that made me think about it today:
http://globalgrind.com/content/953055/The-Problem-With-Amber-Rose/

I always read the comments because I often find them as important as their subject. I was reading this one a minute ago and just wondering (once again) why is it that as women, we're not thought of as being comfortable with ourselves, secure, or free unless we're putting it all out there (breasts, butts, punanny, etc.). I've read a couple of articles about how intelligent Ice-T's wife was. You think if she hadn't had all the plastic surgery, wore clothes that covered her breasts and at least a third of her body, and wasn't always letting us know what goes on in her bedroom with her husband we'd have to have articles talking about how intelligent she is?

Shit, I can be sexy with sweat pants & a t-shirt on. I'm okay with being naked too but I just don't feel as if that's for everyone else to see.

I was looking at a picture of Lil Kim earlier today on some site and thinking about in the movie "Notorious" it was Biggie who told her that she needed to wear less clothing to make it. I somehow wondered if this was the beginning of her self-confidence being broken down and down to the point where it wasn't just wearing lil to nothing, it was plastic surgery.

She was such a beautiful young woman before she began this transformation. She has to be one of the sweetest people I've ever met as well.

Also brings up what thoughts about how in today's society being free and confident and open in relationships equals hanging out at strip clubs and swinging. I listen to Michael Baisden on my way home from work each day and as I listen to the "experts" he has on, I think that we have definitely gotten lost.

I don't want to go to the strip club with my mate because I don't want to be a participant in him lusting after other women. Love and commitment doesn't stop you from being attracted to others, but why put yourself in a situation that can easily lead to acting upon those attractions.

Old Friends, New Friends, Changes of Hearts

Friendship
And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
- Khalil Gibran

On this past Saturday night there was a reunion of people from college. Some of us lived in the dorm together, some connected through the Leaning House, and others had just connected through mutual friends. I had no intention of going.

I don't know if I'm becoming stranger with age or just wisening up enough to see more of me as the years go by but even a simple party with those I knew became a learning experience. My initial thoughts were that I already talk to or seek out those who I feel the need to interact with so who cares about the rest. As the requests came from more & more people that I attend, instead of complimentary, it just made me feel weird. I couldn't figure out why all of these people I never make an attempt to talk with were wanting my company.

Why was it so important I be there?

Earlier on Saturday, I painted my toenails, showered and washed my hair so that I would be prepared to make an appearance. I had decided to go for an hour or so and then slip out. Around 5 or so, the thunder began and ooooooooooh I had an excuse to stay in. I just knew it would begin pouring down rain at any minute and who would fault me for not wanting to drive. I drove to get dinner and afterwards began cleaning.

At almost 9pm I got a call from a friend saying that I had to come and he'd been waiting for me. He was leaving to return to LA Sunday and just had to see me. This got me dressed and out of the house.

You know what? I had fun. It was actually really nice to talk to those of like minds. The connection was there and even though it had been years since I'd seen some, the interaction was just as easy as 20 yrs ago. It was also amazing to see how much of the same mischief and childlike qualities most of us still possessed.

Many seem to make me appear larger than life and I heard a few exaggerations about my past, but even that gives a feeling of love. I heard a few accounts of past events that I wasn't sure whether or not I really participated in, but then again, I wasn't 100% sure and they could have been true. There were memories brought back of times I'd forgotten and I got to remind some others of their forgotten pasts as well. I also got to clear up one story over 10 yrs old.

I so enjoyed myself at the party I had not planned on attending and I'm glad that call came through to make me get off my azz. It appears that sometimes I can forget how much I appreciate some of my old friends. There were also a few conversations with those I didn't know that were refreshing.

Old friends, new friends, and I'm thankful for a change of heart.

See yourself as changing all the time. Encourage change in others. When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop. - Deepak Chopra

Had to repeat that one from Deepak Chopra's twitter just now. Everything about it I like.

1) See yourself as changing all the time.
Many, in ignorance, see change as a threat. I think we've all heard someone say at some point how they were not going to change or how someone was trying to change them and they were just keeping it real and being them.

I see change as a positive because my constant goal is to learn and grow. As we learn and apply that knowlege, it creates growth in some form and that growth is change. Wisdom does not come to us without change. Things around us are constantly changing and if we're just standing still, i believe that would mean that life is passing us by.

If you're not changing, then you are not being all you can be or living your life to the fullest. In that sense, you really aren't being the "real" you without change.

2) Encourage change in others.
If we are just nodding our heads in agreement and amening our way throughout our relationships with others, we aren't doing ourselves or others any good. We need others & others need us. Interaction with others can give us the valuable knowledge and experience that is needed to encourage growth and wisdom. By encouraging others, our own lives become a bit better as well.

We do however, need to remember to encourage them out of love and in a loving way.

3) When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop.
Wow. We are all guilty of at least thinking a fixed opinion and oftentimes many of us take it further by letting it come out of our mouths. Every person has a story unique unto themselves and everyone has something to offer us.

We also can just talk too much. The more talking we're doing, the less productive and positive thinking we're doing. Before saying it, we should at least ask ourselves if it's necessary and if us saying it will produce a positive change.

What's Bugging Me?

On my way to work this morning, I caught the first bit of Sheryl Underwood on the TJMS. I was excited because it had been a while since I've been able to catch her - I get to work earlier now most days. LOL! I love Sheryl and have so much respect for her but for those first few minutes today all I could think was "ohhhhh nooooooo."

I heard her talking about protests and Somalians and arrests, then all of a sudden I hear her say that Iman was talking bad about our First Lady Michelle Obama. Now, Iman has been somewhat of a hero to me since I was in my teens (quite some years ago) and Michelle Obama became one for me the more I learned about her before and since the election of President Obama. I have so much respect for both women that I just couldn't even imagine Iman having cause to speak against Mrs. Obama publicly.

From what I heard on the radio, I could only imagine that Michelle had said something about Somalians and what their fate should be that Iman apparently strongly disagreed with.

I get in my office, grab some coffee and water & then the search is on. Only takes a couple of seconds before I see where Iman has said that Michelle Obama was no "great beauty" but went on to say just how important what she has is.

Hell, is that what the talk was about? Mrs. Obama is not a "great beauty" in the sense that Iman meant. So what? I'm no "great beauty" either.

What a relief that it was just trifling media bs. I would bet that it wasn't that serious for either Iman or Michelle. Both very intelligent women beyond cattiness.

What's bugging me? The fact that so many others will take it and run with it. They won't stop and do their research and try to understand what really went down. We'll have emails going rampant and conversations about how Iman called Michelle ugly. Is it that we don't like the truth? Is it that the bs is just more exciting? If we can't focus on the trivial, then does that mean we have to pay attention to what's important & actually means something?

Life Is Not Always the Party We Expected

Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it lasts.
We should stop making our lives complicated.
Life is short
Break the rules forgive quickly, kiss passionately, love truly, laugh constantly
And never stop smiling no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected to be but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.

The words above were part of an email from a friend. Extremelly good words to live by though. How happy are you? What makes your hardships worst than the next person's? The only ones born who get out unscathed are the stillborn. So why not enjoy what we have?

It's been said many times before that we have all that we need right now and I believe that to the fullest. When I haven't had money, there's been a friend to feed me. When I didn't have a job, amazingly enough I survived and came out alive.

There's no challenge whatsoever in focuses on the wrongs in our lives but the true challenge lies in seeing the good in spite of.

I can always love, laugh, smile, cry, and be thankful for something & sometimes it might be the smallest of things. Why spend life being miserable?

Passion

pas⋅sion /ˈpæʃən/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pash-uhn]
–noun
1.
any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2.
strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3.
strong sexual desire; lust.
4.
an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5.
a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6.
a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.
7.
the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him.
8.
an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words.
9.
violent anger.
10.
the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior (contrasted with action ).
11.
(often initial capital letter) Theology.
a.
the sufferings of Christ on the cross or His sufferings subsequent to the Last Supper.
b.
the narrative of Christ's sufferings as recorded in the Gospels.
12.
Archaic. the sufferings of a martyr.
Origin: 1125–75; ME (<> late OE passiōn), special use of LL passiō suffering, submission, deriv. of L passus, ptp. of patī to suffer, submit; see -ion Related forms:
pas⋅sion⋅ful, adjective
pas⋅sion⋅ful⋅ly, adverb
pas⋅sion⋅ful⋅ness, noun
pas⋅sion⋅like, adjective
Synonyms:1. See feeling. 6. fervor, zeal, ardor. 9. ire, fury, wrath, rage.
Antonyms:1. apathy.

Passion has to be one of my all time favorite words. The word, the definition, the act, just everything about it. One of the first things that I will ask a suitor is "what are you passionate about" or "what are your passions".

Now most seem to only think of sex when I ask that question but even in that context don't appear to truly grasp the actual meaning of passion. I dated one guy for about 6 years who know one would have ever thought to put with me. I'd tell people when they'd ask about my attraction to him that more than anything, I loved how passionate he was about everything. Either he really loved something or really hated it. There was no middle ground and that excited me.

Me? I'm passionate about music, films, books, children, my friends & family. I've had a couple of lovers I was very passionate about and I'm passionate about finding that passion again.

Drugs and Addiction

I was just reading an article about the new wave in "anti-addiction" drugs. It just doesn't even sound right to me. Drugs to stop addiction to drugs. Maybe I'm crazy but I think there's still something wrong with exchanging one addiction for another. To me, it says that the person is still sick. Still not well. Still unwhole.

But hey, we live in a society that loves and expects immediate gratification. We love the easy way out. We want something for nothing.

Unfortunately, those things don't bring much gain to our lives. We don't usually grow from them and there don't seem to be any long term rewards to be gained. In my experience, the hardest challenges I've had to conquer were the ones that gave me the most.

Wrongfully Judged

We all judge others at some time or another no matter how loudly and proudly we say we don't. I can remember seeing a 20 something with his jeans hung low showing his underwear and having a feeling of disgust. At that moment there wasn't a positive thought about this stranger going through my head. Then he stopped and held the door for me. Wow! In this day and time there are plenty men with their pants pulled up who won't open a door for a woman, give up their seat, or let her go before them. Here it was, this "thug" with his pants hanging off his butt being the perfect gentleman.

I should know better too because I truly fit in that category of not being able to judge a book by it's cover. I also love proving others wrong about me as well because I figure that perhaps I'm helping them learn the same lesson that I have to be reminded of as well from time to time. Get to know someone before making quick judgments. Ignorance is not something to be proud of whatsoever.

This thought was brought on by the following video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PPlkOyaqaQ

Aging

How long would you like to live if the choice was yours? I feel as if I'd be ready to go today and still feel as if I've had a great and very blessed life.

I'm only 41 but have a friend who turned 92 today. She still drives and keeps busy. She helps out elders who are actually younger than herself and she's my partner as well. She cooks once a month for the boys at a local drug treatment center and she works by my side in our supper club which serves residents at one of the AIDS houses here in Dallas once a month as well. She does most of the cooking for us for our every other month to feed the homeless and this is just a little bit of what she does to serve her community.

On the fun side, I take her to try out new restaurants and we see movies together. I loan her books and to be honest, it pains me to even think of not having her in my life.

My 92 year old buddy is definitely a testiment that getting older doesn't mean all you have left to do is sit down and age.

Boundaries

Some people just don't have them or seem to know what they are. I have a co-worker who fits this profile all too well. I have been mildly traumatized by some of the information that she has shared with me. Too much information is way too mild to describe what she does.

Misery loves company does explain how a fellow co-worker and myself make coping easier. Neither of us will go without sharing with the other. Once while I was on vacation my poor friend was left alone to suffer. The woman with no boundaries began by showing my friend pictures of her son on her cell phone. Without any warning came pictures of a lover's penis.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure. My mistake? Trying to be nice. I don't intend to be too friendly or inviting but for some reason since I have made a conscious effort to say hello & smile, it opens me up for conversation. I take all blame because I do know that this woman has no boundaries. My bad on that.

The conversation began innocently as always and before I knew it I was hearing how that when she's sitting on the toilet and grunting to take a dump, her son will come to help by pushing her stomach.

Why these things are happening is a big red flag for me to begin with. Why it's so easily shared takes it to a whole nutha/nutta level.

People need boundaries!

Listening Skills

How well do you listen? Do you only hear or do you truly listen?

This is a thought that comes to mind for me quite often because many will brag about what great listeners they are but as I'm listening to them, my truth seems to differ. I once heard Dr. Maya Angelou say that "People show you who they are. It's your job to believe them, the first time." This is one of the few quotes comitted to memory for me and I think it's one that could save a lot of drama, grief, and headache for us. On the other end of the spectrum, it might bring us blessings and joy that we could possibly miss out on in our unawareness.

A few friends used to get on me all the time for being "too picky" when it came to men. My argument was that within 10 mins (if that) a person has usually said something that gives me a clue as to who they are. Or better yet, said something that has thrown up a red flag that says there is no need to go down that path any further.

Listening incorporates more than words. Feelings and actions are also part of it in my opinion. I'm a natural spectator and I think God blessed me with the gifts of listening & hearing. I pray to never lose these gifts or have them fail me.

Have I been fooled before? Yes. Will it happen again? Possibly. Like everyone else, I'm not beyond making mistakes. I do try to not make the same one more than once though.

No Reason for Boredom

I'm sitting at work counting down the hour. It's been a slow day and I've been bored. There's never a need for boredom though because there's always something we could be doing/working on/creating/making happen.

Sometimes we just don't want to and would rather be bored.