in a man? That was yesterday's question. It would be so nice if and when the day comes that a man asks that question and my answer can simply be "you". Unfortunately, it was not the case on yesterday and so I had to think of not only what I wanted, but how to verbalize it so that the message was received clearly.
First and foremost, I've decided that I need, crave, desire, want dependability. I need to know that I can count on my partner to be there when I need him. I need to know that if he tells me he'll be some place at a specific time, he'll be at that place at that time. I need to know that I don't have to think of who to turn to in a time of need, because he's there. I want to know that he's truly a friend, confidant, lover, partner and mate 100% of the time. Not just when it's convenient or works out that way.
I want a strong and stable man. This man has emotions and his strength allows him to express himself. He will have the courage to face fears head on and the strength to protect me.
Honesty & trustworthy go right along with dependable. The ability to verbally as well as physically communicate is a must as well.
A man who is passionate about life and has a drive to learn & grow. Our specific passions don't have to be the same, but hopefully there will be an openness to sharing.
If he were handsome and 5'10" or taller, that would be the icing on the cake......
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The African
I had a date a lil over a week ago with a guy who I'll call "The African". Originally from Zaire but came here for school and found his way to the Big D afterwards. There were several red flags for me right off.
I hadn't heard from him the day before what would be our date and decided to call him. He said that he had been in the hospital from food poisoning. A friend showed up with some fish that you can only get in his region of Africa and so there was a dinner party to celebrate. My first thought was that the trip was a bit long for me to have wanted to eat it. He said that it was dried and so I could understand a bit more. The next thing he said was that the hostess mentioned it was a bit spoiled but she had "fixed" it. Well, the entire dinner party ended up in the hospital. As if that wasn't enough, then he tells me how sometimes people spray the fish with bug killer to keep the flies away.
Not yet over that, I still picked up the phone again when he called. That night I was going out to a jazz club about 40 miles away and he invited himself. I said okay and went on my way. He didn't show up but after some great conversation with a guy I met there and a few martinis, I hit the road before it got too late. Twenty mins into the drive home, I get a call. He had actually driven the 40+ miles but when he couldn't find the club, went to a gas station to find a map. At this point, he realized he had a flat tire. After he changed the tire, he realized that he had gotten dirty and went home with the intention of changing and coming back.
As if that wasn't enough, I still accepted his invitation to dinner the next night. He wasn't really talking when we first met and it was bad enough that I suggested we perhaps just go home. He was upset and pouting because he left home without his cell phone. He got over it and was eager to order the one thing he always got at this restaurant. He didn't have to look at the menu because he always got this one item. Our food comes and after eating half of his fries, he realizes that he can't eat his meal because it has pork in it and he stopped eating pork 2 years ago.
I'm over it but we talk. As long as we were in agreement on whatever subject it was, all was well and he was laughing and cheerful. Any time I disagreed with him about something, he got quiet and the subject was changed. By the end of everything he wasn't speaking at all and when I asked about it, I learned that by me disagreeing with him, I was being confrontational.
I think I went out with a 5 year old trapped in a man's body.
I hadn't heard from him the day before what would be our date and decided to call him. He said that he had been in the hospital from food poisoning. A friend showed up with some fish that you can only get in his region of Africa and so there was a dinner party to celebrate. My first thought was that the trip was a bit long for me to have wanted to eat it. He said that it was dried and so I could understand a bit more. The next thing he said was that the hostess mentioned it was a bit spoiled but she had "fixed" it. Well, the entire dinner party ended up in the hospital. As if that wasn't enough, then he tells me how sometimes people spray the fish with bug killer to keep the flies away.
Not yet over that, I still picked up the phone again when he called. That night I was going out to a jazz club about 40 miles away and he invited himself. I said okay and went on my way. He didn't show up but after some great conversation with a guy I met there and a few martinis, I hit the road before it got too late. Twenty mins into the drive home, I get a call. He had actually driven the 40+ miles but when he couldn't find the club, went to a gas station to find a map. At this point, he realized he had a flat tire. After he changed the tire, he realized that he had gotten dirty and went home with the intention of changing and coming back.
As if that wasn't enough, I still accepted his invitation to dinner the next night. He wasn't really talking when we first met and it was bad enough that I suggested we perhaps just go home. He was upset and pouting because he left home without his cell phone. He got over it and was eager to order the one thing he always got at this restaurant. He didn't have to look at the menu because he always got this one item. Our food comes and after eating half of his fries, he realizes that he can't eat his meal because it has pork in it and he stopped eating pork 2 years ago.
I'm over it but we talk. As long as we were in agreement on whatever subject it was, all was well and he was laughing and cheerful. Any time I disagreed with him about something, he got quiet and the subject was changed. By the end of everything he wasn't speaking at all and when I asked about it, I learned that by me disagreeing with him, I was being confrontational.
I think I went out with a 5 year old trapped in a man's body.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
What's My Type?
I went to see a movie with a friend over the weekend. During the preview of the new Wolverine movie, I whispered to her that I had always thought the Wolverine was hot and sexy when I watched the cartoons & how happy I was when I saw they had chosen Hugh Jackman to play the role. I then told her that even though I wasn't a Star Wars fan, I had a crush on Chewy as well. I then asked what she thought that said about me.
"You like your men strong and animalistic."
That was her answer. Made me think. Maybe so. Maybe it's the idea of security. A man who I feel can protect me. Maybe it's because I'm a big girl. I think of myself as strong. I'm strong willed, strong in my beliefs, and hey, I've taken a few martial arts class as well. The thought of a man who can hold his own with me is sexy. It's also hot to know that my man can flip me over and throw me down in the bedroom as well.
Maybe I do have a type after all........
"You like your men strong and animalistic."
That was her answer. Made me think. Maybe so. Maybe it's the idea of security. A man who I feel can protect me. Maybe it's because I'm a big girl. I think of myself as strong. I'm strong willed, strong in my beliefs, and hey, I've taken a few martial arts class as well. The thought of a man who can hold his own with me is sexy. It's also hot to know that my man can flip me over and throw me down in the bedroom as well.
Maybe I do have a type after all........
Monday, April 6, 2009
Why Are You Still Single?
I watched a show last night called "Tough Love". On the show, a male matchmaker tries to teach a group of single women what they are doing wrong and what needs to change in order for them to meet their match. His lessons are based on the male perspective and sometimes pretty interesting.
One of the issues last night involved a breakdown with a 39 year old woman who seemed confident, nice looking, professionally successful and intelligent. The breakdown happened after her match began drilling her about how it was that she was such a catch and single. Not only single, but had never been married.
I could feel the woman's anger about the man who she had let her guard down with and opened up to the possibility of trying to begin a relationship with all of a sudden not letting up about why she was single. I've heard the question over and over and it gets on my nerves. I'm 41, single, no kids, and never have been married. In all honesty, I've never had a serious true blue boyfriend.
Why? Because even as a teen, I've never felt as if it was something I just had to do in order to say that I had somebody. I've always had great friends and an active life, so I wasn't desperate for people to be with. I paid attention to the unhealthy relationships around me & saw no need to duplicate them. I actually like myself and enjoy my own company, so I don't need someone around just to entertain me. I've never been a "halfway" personality or dealt that well with grey areas either, so I figured that if I was going to make that comittment, I'd go all the way and saw no need to go there with anyone willing.
Most of all, just like the men who ask the question, I believe that I am a GREAT catch and so why should I settle for less than a man who would be of the utmost compliment to myself. I need a man who would be able to inspire even more greatness from me. A true helpmate. I see long term more than I see the moment when I think of relationships so why go there with anyone other than a man I'd want to spend a lifetime beside?
Okay, back to "Tough Love". The matchmaker, his mother, and one of the other girls in the group strongly felt as if this guy just couldn't believe that he was having the opportunity to be with a woman so great. Things seemed so good (and he's been hurt before) that there just had to be something wrong with her. He was messing up a good thing because he just couldn't believe that he had found it.
I could see it and I could understand. Does this mean that I should just be flattered when I hear that question over & over again? I'd like to be but unfortunately, I keep dreaming of that guy who will think that I'm such a great catch that he's going to do whatever it takes not to lose me. A man confident and secure enough to think that I'm the one he's always deserved.
One of the issues last night involved a breakdown with a 39 year old woman who seemed confident, nice looking, professionally successful and intelligent. The breakdown happened after her match began drilling her about how it was that she was such a catch and single. Not only single, but had never been married.
I could feel the woman's anger about the man who she had let her guard down with and opened up to the possibility of trying to begin a relationship with all of a sudden not letting up about why she was single. I've heard the question over and over and it gets on my nerves. I'm 41, single, no kids, and never have been married. In all honesty, I've never had a serious true blue boyfriend.
Why? Because even as a teen, I've never felt as if it was something I just had to do in order to say that I had somebody. I've always had great friends and an active life, so I wasn't desperate for people to be with. I paid attention to the unhealthy relationships around me & saw no need to duplicate them. I actually like myself and enjoy my own company, so I don't need someone around just to entertain me. I've never been a "halfway" personality or dealt that well with grey areas either, so I figured that if I was going to make that comittment, I'd go all the way and saw no need to go there with anyone willing.
Most of all, just like the men who ask the question, I believe that I am a GREAT catch and so why should I settle for less than a man who would be of the utmost compliment to myself. I need a man who would be able to inspire even more greatness from me. A true helpmate. I see long term more than I see the moment when I think of relationships so why go there with anyone other than a man I'd want to spend a lifetime beside?
Okay, back to "Tough Love". The matchmaker, his mother, and one of the other girls in the group strongly felt as if this guy just couldn't believe that he was having the opportunity to be with a woman so great. Things seemed so good (and he's been hurt before) that there just had to be something wrong with her. He was messing up a good thing because he just couldn't believe that he had found it.
I could see it and I could understand. Does this mean that I should just be flattered when I hear that question over & over again? I'd like to be but unfortunately, I keep dreaming of that guy who will think that I'm such a great catch that he's going to do whatever it takes not to lose me. A man confident and secure enough to think that I'm the one he's always deserved.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Friends
My friends have always seem to be better thought of as extended family. I've been blessed. I can actually say that I have some friendships that go back over 30 years now. I've never known the drama of a friend stabbing me in the back or just pretending to be my friend to get something. My friends are truly my friends. My family. I may not have made it to 41 without them. They have also been some of the main catalyst for growth in my life.
We come from such different backgrounds and walks of life. In a lot of cases even such different interests on the whole. But we all share a common bond. I think that the common bond is that we are all so unashamedly who we are without pretense. None of us ever has to pretend with each other nor the world. With such differences, we are all so comfortable together. Years can go by without seeing each other, months can go by without speaking, but when the time does come, it's as if we had never been apart.
Last night I got together with my old college roommates. She's the one that I can talk to about anything at all. We can talk politics, religion, sex, and most of all, we can talk honestly to each other about ourselves. We've said things to each other that have probably hurt when said, but the best part is that we've both realized later on the truth in those things and have grown because of them.
My friends/family have definitely been one of the biggest blessings in my life.
We come from such different backgrounds and walks of life. In a lot of cases even such different interests on the whole. But we all share a common bond. I think that the common bond is that we are all so unashamedly who we are without pretense. None of us ever has to pretend with each other nor the world. With such differences, we are all so comfortable together. Years can go by without seeing each other, months can go by without speaking, but when the time does come, it's as if we had never been apart.
Last night I got together with my old college roommates. She's the one that I can talk to about anything at all. We can talk politics, religion, sex, and most of all, we can talk honestly to each other about ourselves. We've said things to each other that have probably hurt when said, but the best part is that we've both realized later on the truth in those things and have grown because of them.
My friends/family have definitely been one of the biggest blessings in my life.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Left in the Dark
I often tell people that I've had a very interesting life up to this point & that there are things I've seen and done that I won't even share with my journal. Well, last night goes on the strange things that happen in Mamadoc's world list.
I've talked a bit about what it's like to meet guys online. I had a date with a guy who told me he liked to study his bible. I thought, cool. I was part of a 7 year study and we'd have some interesting conversations. Turned out, he was a Black Hebrew Israelite and within about 15 mins of the date, I was told that I was going to hell for having had dated a white man before.
I went on a dinner date with a guy who I seemed to hit it off with over the telephone. 5 mins into dinner, I was bored to tears. I can talk forever if I'm enjoying someone's company but on this date, I was pretty much dead silent. When my date said it was time to go, I think I may have actually leapt from my chair. So he walks me to my car and I give him a goodbye hug. I noticed that the hug was lasting a long time but no worries. The next thing I know he is kissing me - a big kiss too. By the time that the shock was over, I laughed. I figured that perhaps he thought that since he paid for my dinner, he was getting something out of the evening. I give him props for having the guts to go for it.
Today I told one of my oldest friends about my date last night and her response was that I had done a lot of strange things, but this was even strange for me.
I meet the guy online, we trade emails and finally I set up a date for last night. I go to his house (and yes, I always make sure that at least one person has all the information in case I don't make it back) and arrive about 20 mins late. Once I get there, I get my phone out to call him and realize that he called me almost 10 mins before the original time I said that I'd be there. He left a message asking where I was.
I get there, he takes me to his room and goes to take a shower. Comes out of the shower in his shorts and leaves the room. I have not seen or heard from him since. His wallet was there on the dresser with money & bank receipt sticking out. He didn't have on a shirt nor shoes.
Do you think he was kidnapped? I waited for about 25 or 30 mins because I was reading and enjoying the music. How long was I supposed to wait?
I've talked a bit about what it's like to meet guys online. I had a date with a guy who told me he liked to study his bible. I thought, cool. I was part of a 7 year study and we'd have some interesting conversations. Turned out, he was a Black Hebrew Israelite and within about 15 mins of the date, I was told that I was going to hell for having had dated a white man before.
I went on a dinner date with a guy who I seemed to hit it off with over the telephone. 5 mins into dinner, I was bored to tears. I can talk forever if I'm enjoying someone's company but on this date, I was pretty much dead silent. When my date said it was time to go, I think I may have actually leapt from my chair. So he walks me to my car and I give him a goodbye hug. I noticed that the hug was lasting a long time but no worries. The next thing I know he is kissing me - a big kiss too. By the time that the shock was over, I laughed. I figured that perhaps he thought that since he paid for my dinner, he was getting something out of the evening. I give him props for having the guts to go for it.
Today I told one of my oldest friends about my date last night and her response was that I had done a lot of strange things, but this was even strange for me.
I meet the guy online, we trade emails and finally I set up a date for last night. I go to his house (and yes, I always make sure that at least one person has all the information in case I don't make it back) and arrive about 20 mins late. Once I get there, I get my phone out to call him and realize that he called me almost 10 mins before the original time I said that I'd be there. He left a message asking where I was.
I get there, he takes me to his room and goes to take a shower. Comes out of the shower in his shorts and leaves the room. I have not seen or heard from him since. His wallet was there on the dresser with money & bank receipt sticking out. He didn't have on a shirt nor shoes.
Do you think he was kidnapped? I waited for about 25 or 30 mins because I was reading and enjoying the music. How long was I supposed to wait?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Online vs In Person
As I've gotten older, I just don't have the desire to go out to the bars or club as often as I once did. I'm also a people watcher & most of the folks out here to not be that interesting to watch and surely not that interesting to talk with. There have been several times when I leave thinking that I just wasted money to be bored.
The down side of this is that I don't meet a lot of dating prospects. I do get out but at most of the events I attend, most people are already there with dates and I'm never going to date any of the people I work with through my community service. No one of interest at church either.
So that leaves the world of online dating. I'm still not very good at it or that comfortable with it but have tried a few times. A big part of the problem for me is the number of responses that come after posting an ad. It's easy to just delete the one who appear to have not read my ad all the way through & those who just don't follow the directions given, but there are usually still a few that seem of interest as well in the bunch.
Do I make dates with all of them? Would the men be insulted if I tell them that it might be a week or so before we could meet? How do I word it? Do I say that I'm going to give someone else a chance first, but if we don't hit it off, I'll get back to them?
For the most part, I get overwhelmed with it, delete the ad and try to distract myself with other projects.
The down side of this is that I don't meet a lot of dating prospects. I do get out but at most of the events I attend, most people are already there with dates and I'm never going to date any of the people I work with through my community service. No one of interest at church either.
So that leaves the world of online dating. I'm still not very good at it or that comfortable with it but have tried a few times. A big part of the problem for me is the number of responses that come after posting an ad. It's easy to just delete the one who appear to have not read my ad all the way through & those who just don't follow the directions given, but there are usually still a few that seem of interest as well in the bunch.
Do I make dates with all of them? Would the men be insulted if I tell them that it might be a week or so before we could meet? How do I word it? Do I say that I'm going to give someone else a chance first, but if we don't hit it off, I'll get back to them?
For the most part, I get overwhelmed with it, delete the ad and try to distract myself with other projects.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Dating and Communication
I'm fine going out alone and I have fun with myself but I find no shame in saying that I'd love to be stepping out with my man tonight. That would be if I had a man. Hence the subject of this blog. I try to be as honest as possible right off in who I am and what I'm looking for. I understand that everyone is not going to be attracted to me and that every man was not meant to be with me. I usually think that by getting a much as I can upfront, this would save time.
Not the case & so now I'm thinking that it's just mis-communication. Are men really hearing anything women are saying in the beginning or are they just wondering how long it would take for them to get sex?
Not the case & so now I'm thinking that it's just mis-communication. Are men really hearing anything women are saying in the beginning or are they just wondering how long it would take for them to get sex?
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