In the South Bronx, a young doctor embarks on a research project to find out why black women are being infected with the HIV virus at an alarming rate. Dr. Mehret Mandefro takes us into the lives and relationships of two of her female patients, Chevelle and Tara, as they identify and struggle with the social factors that put them at risk.
Chevelle, abandoned by her family as a teenager, became addicted to drugs and dependent on sex with men to get attention and cash. When we meet her, she's been clean for a year and is striving for financial independence. Tara suffered sexual abuse for much of her life and resorted to sex work to survive. Her current boyfriend is pressuring her for sex even though she is undergoing a series of invasive surgeries for cervical cancer. Despite her frail condition, Tara works to overcome her fear of saying no and gains new confidence along the way.
As Chevelle and Tara strive for more power in their lives and relationships, Mehret expands her research to include women across boundaries of race, class and country. She also begins to grapple with these extremely personal themes as they appear in her own life. A visit to Ethiopia, her birthplace, and candid conversations with her privileged girlfriends in New York, yield a startling realization: heterosexual women across the continents face a dangerous power imbalance in the bedroom. When she lets her hair down, steps out of her doctor's role, and confesses her own weaknesses, even this Harvard trained physician sounds just like one of us.
ALL OF US is about AIDS but it is not a tragedy. It is a story of resilience, sisterhood and courage.
http://www.allofusthemovie.com/aboutthefilm.php
One of my first thoughts while watching this documentary last night was that it was a good alternative to "Precious". For me "Precious" was just a lot of drama for entertainment sake - if that's how you like to be entertained. However, "All of Us" brought it to reality. TRUTH seemed to be the major underlying message in the film as I saw it. An important truth was that it wasn't just people who came from bad homes, suffered incest, dropped out of school, and led a life of drugs and wild sex. Even the doctor whose focus is HIV/AIDS had to admit that she was not always practicing safe sex. She came from a two parent (loving two parent) household, was obviously well educated, and beautiful.
Inspiration to look in the mirror and start by being truthful with ourselves. The film also encourages real talk. Glad I saw it!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Youssou N'Dour: I Bring What I Love
Doesn't happen often, but I have a new movie on my "must see" list. "Youssou N'Dour: I Bring What I Love". Love has to be the operative word that sums it all up for me. You can feel the love and the passion that Youssou brings with his music and that just can't be faked. A couple of times during the documentary men are brought to tears from the power of the performances. Now that's something - seeing a strong African man cry from love.
The documentary is centered around the release (and fallout) of Youssou's "Egypt" cd. The cd that finally won him a Grammy (after 4 nominations I think) was also the cd that made his own people in Senegal turn their backs on him. As the cd was celebrated in other countries, those who had even heard it in Senegal would not talk about it. Stores there would not sell it and curses went out towards Youssou.
"Egypt" was Youssou's way of singing about what he loved. He sang about his religion and its prophets. Unfortunately, he wasn't one of the chosen few allowed to sing about such.
What watching the problems that Youssou faced and his fight to support what he felt true to his heart, I thought of some of the church people I hear on a regular basis. They don't like the new gospel music. Why can't we just sing the old hymns? Fear of change is not of God but what so many "spiritual" people allow to make them forget what love is all about.
I think that there is something in this film for everyone whether it be the music, the cultural lessons, a chance to look in the mirror, or encouragement to keep on pushing for what you believe in.
Thank you Youssou for bringing what you love and sharing it with the rest of us.
The documentary is centered around the release (and fallout) of Youssou's "Egypt" cd. The cd that finally won him a Grammy (after 4 nominations I think) was also the cd that made his own people in Senegal turn their backs on him. As the cd was celebrated in other countries, those who had even heard it in Senegal would not talk about it. Stores there would not sell it and curses went out towards Youssou.
"Egypt" was Youssou's way of singing about what he loved. He sang about his religion and its prophets. Unfortunately, he wasn't one of the chosen few allowed to sing about such.
What watching the problems that Youssou faced and his fight to support what he felt true to his heart, I thought of some of the church people I hear on a regular basis. They don't like the new gospel music. Why can't we just sing the old hymns? Fear of change is not of God but what so many "spiritual" people allow to make them forget what love is all about.
I think that there is something in this film for everyone whether it be the music, the cultural lessons, a chance to look in the mirror, or encouragement to keep on pushing for what you believe in.
Thank you Youssou for bringing what you love and sharing it with the rest of us.
What Is Sexy
Here's the article that made me think about it today:
http://globalgrind.com/content/953055/The-Problem-With-Amber-Rose/
http://globalgrind.com/content/953055/The-Problem-With-Amber-Rose/
I always read the comments because I often find them as important as their subject. I was reading this one a minute ago and just wondering (once again) why is it that as women, we're not thought of as being comfortable with ourselves, secure, or free unless we're putting it all out there (breasts, butts, punanny, etc.). I've read a couple of articles about how intelligent Ice-T's wife was. You think if she hadn't had all the plastic surgery, wore clothes that covered her breasts and at least a third of her body, and wasn't always letting us know what goes on in her bedroom with her husband we'd have to have articles talking about how intelligent she is?
Shit, I can be sexy with sweat pants & a t-shirt on. I'm okay with being naked too but I just don't feel as if that's for everyone else to see.
I was looking at a picture of Lil Kim earlier today on some site and thinking about in the movie "Notorious" it was Biggie who told her that she needed to wear less clothing to make it. I somehow wondered if this was the beginning of her self-confidence being broken down and down to the point where it wasn't just wearing lil to nothing, it was plastic surgery.
She was such a beautiful young woman before she began this transformation. She has to be one of the sweetest people I've ever met as well.
Also brings up what thoughts about how in today's society being free and confident and open in relationships equals hanging out at strip clubs and swinging. I listen to Michael Baisden on my way home from work each day and as I listen to the "experts" he has on, I think that we have definitely gotten lost.
I don't want to go to the strip club with my mate because I don't want to be a participant in him lusting after other women. Love and commitment doesn't stop you from being attracted to others, but why put yourself in a situation that can easily lead to acting upon those attractions.
I don't want to go to the strip club with my mate because I don't want to be a participant in him lusting after other women. Love and commitment doesn't stop you from being attracted to others, but why put yourself in a situation that can easily lead to acting upon those attractions.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Old Friends, New Friends, Changes of Hearts
Friendship
And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
- Khalil Gibran
On this past Saturday night there was a reunion of people from college. Some of us lived in the dorm together, some connected through the Leaning House, and others had just connected through mutual friends. I had no intention of going.
I don't know if I'm becoming stranger with age or just wisening up enough to see more of me as the years go by but even a simple party with those I knew became a learning experience. My initial thoughts were that I already talk to or seek out those who I feel the need to interact with so who cares about the rest. As the requests came from more & more people that I attend, instead of complimentary, it just made me feel weird. I couldn't figure out why all of these people I never make an attempt to talk with were wanting my company.
Why was it so important I be there?
Earlier on Saturday, I painted my toenails, showered and washed my hair so that I would be prepared to make an appearance. I had decided to go for an hour or so and then slip out. Around 5 or so, the thunder began and ooooooooooh I had an excuse to stay in. I just knew it would begin pouring down rain at any minute and who would fault me for not wanting to drive. I drove to get dinner and afterwards began cleaning.
At almost 9pm I got a call from a friend saying that I had to come and he'd been waiting for me. He was leaving to return to LA Sunday and just had to see me. This got me dressed and out of the house.
You know what? I had fun. It was actually really nice to talk to those of like minds. The connection was there and even though it had been years since I'd seen some, the interaction was just as easy as 20 yrs ago. It was also amazing to see how much of the same mischief and childlike qualities most of us still possessed.
Many seem to make me appear larger than life and I heard a few exaggerations about my past, but even that gives a feeling of love. I heard a few accounts of past events that I wasn't sure whether or not I really participated in, but then again, I wasn't 100% sure and they could have been true. There were memories brought back of times I'd forgotten and I got to remind some others of their forgotten pasts as well. I also got to clear up one story over 10 yrs old.
I so enjoyed myself at the party I had not planned on attending and I'm glad that call came through to make me get off my azz. It appears that sometimes I can forget how much I appreciate some of my old friends. There were also a few conversations with those I didn't know that were refreshing.
Old friends, new friends, and I'm thankful for a change of heart.
And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
- Khalil Gibran
On this past Saturday night there was a reunion of people from college. Some of us lived in the dorm together, some connected through the Leaning House, and others had just connected through mutual friends. I had no intention of going.
I don't know if I'm becoming stranger with age or just wisening up enough to see more of me as the years go by but even a simple party with those I knew became a learning experience. My initial thoughts were that I already talk to or seek out those who I feel the need to interact with so who cares about the rest. As the requests came from more & more people that I attend, instead of complimentary, it just made me feel weird. I couldn't figure out why all of these people I never make an attempt to talk with were wanting my company.
Why was it so important I be there?
Earlier on Saturday, I painted my toenails, showered and washed my hair so that I would be prepared to make an appearance. I had decided to go for an hour or so and then slip out. Around 5 or so, the thunder began and ooooooooooh I had an excuse to stay in. I just knew it would begin pouring down rain at any minute and who would fault me for not wanting to drive. I drove to get dinner and afterwards began cleaning.
At almost 9pm I got a call from a friend saying that I had to come and he'd been waiting for me. He was leaving to return to LA Sunday and just had to see me. This got me dressed and out of the house.
You know what? I had fun. It was actually really nice to talk to those of like minds. The connection was there and even though it had been years since I'd seen some, the interaction was just as easy as 20 yrs ago. It was also amazing to see how much of the same mischief and childlike qualities most of us still possessed.
Many seem to make me appear larger than life and I heard a few exaggerations about my past, but even that gives a feeling of love. I heard a few accounts of past events that I wasn't sure whether or not I really participated in, but then again, I wasn't 100% sure and they could have been true. There were memories brought back of times I'd forgotten and I got to remind some others of their forgotten pasts as well. I also got to clear up one story over 10 yrs old.
I so enjoyed myself at the party I had not planned on attending and I'm glad that call came through to make me get off my azz. It appears that sometimes I can forget how much I appreciate some of my old friends. There were also a few conversations with those I didn't know that were refreshing.
Old friends, new friends, and I'm thankful for a change of heart.
The Human Contract
"The Human Contract" is the first written & directed by Jada Pinkett Smith. I'm now ready to see what else she brings to the table.
One friend was excited because the female lead in the film was pretty much a "player" and he seemed to think this was extraordinary. I told him that I think it happens more often than not but whereas a woman might be more willing to admit aloud her mistakes, a man definitely isn't going to share with the boys how he got got.
The movie takes us into the life of a successful businessman who gets caught up in the web of the "exotic" woman. She's married but her husband allows her to play. He's in the middle of a divorce and the biggest business deal of his life. As you can guess, all of this gets pushed aside as he falls madly for this woman like no other he's ever met.
Jada makes an appearance in the film as well.
Of course there were parts of the storyline we all wished had been explored more but for me, I enjoyed it because it was something different and kept me wanting to see what would happen next. Worth renting for sure.
One friend was excited because the female lead in the film was pretty much a "player" and he seemed to think this was extraordinary. I told him that I think it happens more often than not but whereas a woman might be more willing to admit aloud her mistakes, a man definitely isn't going to share with the boys how he got got.
The movie takes us into the life of a successful businessman who gets caught up in the web of the "exotic" woman. She's married but her husband allows her to play. He's in the middle of a divorce and the biggest business deal of his life. As you can guess, all of this gets pushed aside as he falls madly for this woman like no other he's ever met.
Jada makes an appearance in the film as well.
Of course there were parts of the storyline we all wished had been explored more but for me, I enjoyed it because it was something different and kept me wanting to see what would happen next. Worth renting for sure.
Julie & Julia
Now I was excited about seeing this movie and so when my friend Tamra received a pass to the screening, I was on her every day about going.
I love food. I love trying out new recipes. I love watching others cook. I like both Meryl Streep & Amy Adams a lot and after seeing the movie, I have a much greater love for Julia Childs. I can relate to Julia's approach to food with an almost childlike fascination and enjoyment. Even moreso, I loved the relationship she had with her husband and the amazing support & love she received from that union. Without him, I don't think we would have been blessed with all the love of food & cooking Julia gave to us.
Our growth isn't completely dependent upon ourselves and I think this movie highlights how we become all we can be through our relationships with others.
Great movie. Entertaining, endearing, funny, exciting and definitely worth seeing. My friend Tamra went only because she knew I was excited to see it but came away loving it.
I love food. I love trying out new recipes. I love watching others cook. I like both Meryl Streep & Amy Adams a lot and after seeing the movie, I have a much greater love for Julia Childs. I can relate to Julia's approach to food with an almost childlike fascination and enjoyment. Even moreso, I loved the relationship she had with her husband and the amazing support & love she received from that union. Without him, I don't think we would have been blessed with all the love of food & cooking Julia gave to us.
Our growth isn't completely dependent upon ourselves and I think this movie highlights how we become all we can be through our relationships with others.
Great movie. Entertaining, endearing, funny, exciting and definitely worth seeing. My friend Tamra went only because she knew I was excited to see it but came away loving it.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Revolutionary Road
I didn't really get much from the trailers that made me feel as if I needed to rush out to see "Revolutionary Road" upon it's theatrical release. I did attempt to see the free screening, but the line was soooooooo long by the time I got to the theater, my friend and I left for other entertainment.
Well, I watched it last night and was actually very surprised. For me it was so intense and thought provoking that I was glad I decided to put it on my rental list. I'm also now wishing I had someone to discuss it with who has seen the film.
Even though the story took place during an earlier time period, it still spoke to what happens for many today. Getting stuck and not knowing what your "true calling" is or having a clue as to how to figure it out. Working the 9 to 5 that you hate but you know you also like having a place to live, a car to drive, and your utilities operating. Or else the woman who married that guy who would take care of her for the rest of life, but realized that it's just not enough and there's a longing to be leading a different life.
It all rests on whether or not you can face the fear to just get out. Leap and pray that you land in one peace. How do you begin? What door do you choose?
Good movie!
Well, I watched it last night and was actually very surprised. For me it was so intense and thought provoking that I was glad I decided to put it on my rental list. I'm also now wishing I had someone to discuss it with who has seen the film.
Even though the story took place during an earlier time period, it still spoke to what happens for many today. Getting stuck and not knowing what your "true calling" is or having a clue as to how to figure it out. Working the 9 to 5 that you hate but you know you also like having a place to live, a car to drive, and your utilities operating. Or else the woman who married that guy who would take care of her for the rest of life, but realized that it's just not enough and there's a longing to be leading a different life.
It all rests on whether or not you can face the fear to just get out. Leap and pray that you land in one peace. How do you begin? What door do you choose?
Good movie!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
See yourself as changing all the time. Encourage change in others. When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop. - Deepak Chopra
Had to repeat that one from Deepak Chopra's twitter just now. Everything about it I like.
1) See yourself as changing all the time.
Many, in ignorance, see change as a threat. I think we've all heard someone say at some point how they were not going to change or how someone was trying to change them and they were just keeping it real and being them.
I see change as a positive because my constant goal is to learn and grow. As we learn and apply that knowlege, it creates growth in some form and that growth is change. Wisdom does not come to us without change. Things around us are constantly changing and if we're just standing still, i believe that would mean that life is passing us by.
If you're not changing, then you are not being all you can be or living your life to the fullest. In that sense, you really aren't being the "real" you without change.
2) Encourage change in others.
If we are just nodding our heads in agreement and amening our way throughout our relationships with others, we aren't doing ourselves or others any good. We need others & others need us. Interaction with others can give us the valuable knowledge and experience that is needed to encourage growth and wisdom. By encouraging others, our own lives become a bit better as well.
We do however, need to remember to encourage them out of love and in a loving way.
3) When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop.
Wow. We are all guilty of at least thinking a fixed opinion and oftentimes many of us take it further by letting it come out of our mouths. Every person has a story unique unto themselves and everyone has something to offer us.
We also can just talk too much. The more talking we're doing, the less productive and positive thinking we're doing. Before saying it, we should at least ask ourselves if it's necessary and if us saying it will produce a positive change.
Had to repeat that one from Deepak Chopra's twitter just now. Everything about it I like.
1) See yourself as changing all the time.
Many, in ignorance, see change as a threat. I think we've all heard someone say at some point how they were not going to change or how someone was trying to change them and they were just keeping it real and being them.
I see change as a positive because my constant goal is to learn and grow. As we learn and apply that knowlege, it creates growth in some form and that growth is change. Wisdom does not come to us without change. Things around us are constantly changing and if we're just standing still, i believe that would mean that life is passing us by.
If you're not changing, then you are not being all you can be or living your life to the fullest. In that sense, you really aren't being the "real" you without change.
2) Encourage change in others.
If we are just nodding our heads in agreement and amening our way throughout our relationships with others, we aren't doing ourselves or others any good. We need others & others need us. Interaction with others can give us the valuable knowledge and experience that is needed to encourage growth and wisdom. By encouraging others, our own lives become a bit better as well.
We do however, need to remember to encourage them out of love and in a loving way.
3) When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop.
Wow. We are all guilty of at least thinking a fixed opinion and oftentimes many of us take it further by letting it come out of our mouths. Every person has a story unique unto themselves and everyone has something to offer us.
We also can just talk too much. The more talking we're doing, the less productive and positive thinking we're doing. Before saying it, we should at least ask ourselves if it's necessary and if us saying it will produce a positive change.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
What Am I Looking For..........
in a man? That was yesterday's question. It would be so nice if and when the day comes that a man asks that question and my answer can simply be "you". Unfortunately, it was not the case on yesterday and so I had to think of not only what I wanted, but how to verbalize it so that the message was received clearly.
First and foremost, I've decided that I need, crave, desire, want dependability. I need to know that I can count on my partner to be there when I need him. I need to know that if he tells me he'll be some place at a specific time, he'll be at that place at that time. I need to know that I don't have to think of who to turn to in a time of need, because he's there. I want to know that he's truly a friend, confidant, lover, partner and mate 100% of the time. Not just when it's convenient or works out that way.
I want a strong and stable man. This man has emotions and his strength allows him to express himself. He will have the courage to face fears head on and the strength to protect me.
Honesty & trustworthy go right along with dependable. The ability to verbally as well as physically communicate is a must as well.
A man who is passionate about life and has a drive to learn & grow. Our specific passions don't have to be the same, but hopefully there will be an openness to sharing.
If he were handsome and 5'10" or taller, that would be the icing on the cake......
First and foremost, I've decided that I need, crave, desire, want dependability. I need to know that I can count on my partner to be there when I need him. I need to know that if he tells me he'll be some place at a specific time, he'll be at that place at that time. I need to know that I don't have to think of who to turn to in a time of need, because he's there. I want to know that he's truly a friend, confidant, lover, partner and mate 100% of the time. Not just when it's convenient or works out that way.
I want a strong and stable man. This man has emotions and his strength allows him to express himself. He will have the courage to face fears head on and the strength to protect me.
Honesty & trustworthy go right along with dependable. The ability to verbally as well as physically communicate is a must as well.
A man who is passionate about life and has a drive to learn & grow. Our specific passions don't have to be the same, but hopefully there will be an openness to sharing.
If he were handsome and 5'10" or taller, that would be the icing on the cake......
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The African
I had a date a lil over a week ago with a guy who I'll call "The African". Originally from Zaire but came here for school and found his way to the Big D afterwards. There were several red flags for me right off.
I hadn't heard from him the day before what would be our date and decided to call him. He said that he had been in the hospital from food poisoning. A friend showed up with some fish that you can only get in his region of Africa and so there was a dinner party to celebrate. My first thought was that the trip was a bit long for me to have wanted to eat it. He said that it was dried and so I could understand a bit more. The next thing he said was that the hostess mentioned it was a bit spoiled but she had "fixed" it. Well, the entire dinner party ended up in the hospital. As if that wasn't enough, then he tells me how sometimes people spray the fish with bug killer to keep the flies away.
Not yet over that, I still picked up the phone again when he called. That night I was going out to a jazz club about 40 miles away and he invited himself. I said okay and went on my way. He didn't show up but after some great conversation with a guy I met there and a few martinis, I hit the road before it got too late. Twenty mins into the drive home, I get a call. He had actually driven the 40+ miles but when he couldn't find the club, went to a gas station to find a map. At this point, he realized he had a flat tire. After he changed the tire, he realized that he had gotten dirty and went home with the intention of changing and coming back.
As if that wasn't enough, I still accepted his invitation to dinner the next night. He wasn't really talking when we first met and it was bad enough that I suggested we perhaps just go home. He was upset and pouting because he left home without his cell phone. He got over it and was eager to order the one thing he always got at this restaurant. He didn't have to look at the menu because he always got this one item. Our food comes and after eating half of his fries, he realizes that he can't eat his meal because it has pork in it and he stopped eating pork 2 years ago.
I'm over it but we talk. As long as we were in agreement on whatever subject it was, all was well and he was laughing and cheerful. Any time I disagreed with him about something, he got quiet and the subject was changed. By the end of everything he wasn't speaking at all and when I asked about it, I learned that by me disagreeing with him, I was being confrontational.
I think I went out with a 5 year old trapped in a man's body.
I hadn't heard from him the day before what would be our date and decided to call him. He said that he had been in the hospital from food poisoning. A friend showed up with some fish that you can only get in his region of Africa and so there was a dinner party to celebrate. My first thought was that the trip was a bit long for me to have wanted to eat it. He said that it was dried and so I could understand a bit more. The next thing he said was that the hostess mentioned it was a bit spoiled but she had "fixed" it. Well, the entire dinner party ended up in the hospital. As if that wasn't enough, then he tells me how sometimes people spray the fish with bug killer to keep the flies away.
Not yet over that, I still picked up the phone again when he called. That night I was going out to a jazz club about 40 miles away and he invited himself. I said okay and went on my way. He didn't show up but after some great conversation with a guy I met there and a few martinis, I hit the road before it got too late. Twenty mins into the drive home, I get a call. He had actually driven the 40+ miles but when he couldn't find the club, went to a gas station to find a map. At this point, he realized he had a flat tire. After he changed the tire, he realized that he had gotten dirty and went home with the intention of changing and coming back.
As if that wasn't enough, I still accepted his invitation to dinner the next night. He wasn't really talking when we first met and it was bad enough that I suggested we perhaps just go home. He was upset and pouting because he left home without his cell phone. He got over it and was eager to order the one thing he always got at this restaurant. He didn't have to look at the menu because he always got this one item. Our food comes and after eating half of his fries, he realizes that he can't eat his meal because it has pork in it and he stopped eating pork 2 years ago.
I'm over it but we talk. As long as we were in agreement on whatever subject it was, all was well and he was laughing and cheerful. Any time I disagreed with him about something, he got quiet and the subject was changed. By the end of everything he wasn't speaking at all and when I asked about it, I learned that by me disagreeing with him, I was being confrontational.
I think I went out with a 5 year old trapped in a man's body.
The Hangover
I went to a screening of "The Hangover" tonight and was glad I did. I thought I might get a few laughs and my friend Tamra said she could use a few as well. The great part about the screenings is that if the movie sucks, at least I didn't pay $10 to see it. I actually think I would have been okay paying to see this one. Very very funny.
I've had a few nights in my younger years where I didn't remember all that happened or where all I'd been, but nothing compares to the night these guys had. Loved every minute of watching them try to put it all together.
The laugh I needed.
I've had a few nights in my younger years where I didn't remember all that happened or where all I'd been, but nothing compares to the night these guys had. Loved every minute of watching them try to put it all together.
The laugh I needed.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
What's Bugging Me?
On my way to work this morning, I caught the first bit of Sheryl Underwood on the TJMS. I was excited because it had been a while since I've been able to catch her - I get to work earlier now most days. LOL! I love Sheryl and have so much respect for her but for those first few minutes today all I could think was "ohhhhh nooooooo."
I heard her talking about protests and Somalians and arrests, then all of a sudden I hear her say that Iman was talking bad about our First Lady Michelle Obama. Now, Iman has been somewhat of a hero to me since I was in my teens (quite some years ago) and Michelle Obama became one for me the more I learned about her before and since the election of President Obama. I have so much respect for both women that I just couldn't even imagine Iman having cause to speak against Mrs. Obama publicly.
From what I heard on the radio, I could only imagine that Michelle had said something about Somalians and what their fate should be that Iman apparently strongly disagreed with.
I get in my office, grab some coffee and water & then the search is on. Only takes a couple of seconds before I see where Iman has said that Michelle Obama was no "great beauty" but went on to say just how important what she has is.
Hell, is that what the talk was about? Mrs. Obama is not a "great beauty" in the sense that Iman meant. So what? I'm no "great beauty" either.
What a relief that it was just trifling media bs. I would bet that it wasn't that serious for either Iman or Michelle. Both very intelligent women beyond cattiness.
What's bugging me? The fact that so many others will take it and run with it. They won't stop and do their research and try to understand what really went down. We'll have emails going rampant and conversations about how Iman called Michelle ugly. Is it that we don't like the truth? Is it that the bs is just more exciting? If we can't focus on the trivial, then does that mean we have to pay attention to what's important & actually means something?
I heard her talking about protests and Somalians and arrests, then all of a sudden I hear her say that Iman was talking bad about our First Lady Michelle Obama. Now, Iman has been somewhat of a hero to me since I was in my teens (quite some years ago) and Michelle Obama became one for me the more I learned about her before and since the election of President Obama. I have so much respect for both women that I just couldn't even imagine Iman having cause to speak against Mrs. Obama publicly.
From what I heard on the radio, I could only imagine that Michelle had said something about Somalians and what their fate should be that Iman apparently strongly disagreed with.
I get in my office, grab some coffee and water & then the search is on. Only takes a couple of seconds before I see where Iman has said that Michelle Obama was no "great beauty" but went on to say just how important what she has is.
Hell, is that what the talk was about? Mrs. Obama is not a "great beauty" in the sense that Iman meant. So what? I'm no "great beauty" either.
What a relief that it was just trifling media bs. I would bet that it wasn't that serious for either Iman or Michelle. Both very intelligent women beyond cattiness.
What's bugging me? The fact that so many others will take it and run with it. They won't stop and do their research and try to understand what really went down. We'll have emails going rampant and conversations about how Iman called Michelle ugly. Is it that we don't like the truth? Is it that the bs is just more exciting? If we can't focus on the trivial, then does that mean we have to pay attention to what's important & actually means something?
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Soloist
I saw the movie last night and enjoyed it. Not only did it make me appreciate my talent of playing the violin, but it made me think about some of the people passed every day. On the street corners, in the store parking lots, under the bridges, and the ones I help feed during one of my community outreach services.
At the end of "The Soloist" we are told that there are over 90,000 homeless in the City of Los Angeles and I think more than anything, the film gives us an opportunity to stop and take a better look. Who are the homeless? Do we just lump them in a group under that title or do we actually consider the individual? Is there something we can be doing to lessen that number or do we just keep avoiding?
My ex-lust Djimon Hounsou was homeless on the streets of Paris when discovered by Thierry Mugler & oh how glad I am that Mugler took a second look at this particular homeless man. Steve Lopez, a journalist for the Los Angeles Times did the same thing with a homeless man by the name of Nathaniel Anthony Ayers and "The Soloist" tells the story based on the book written by Lopez of the friendship that formed.
I tend to believe that everyone has a bit of insanity in them (whether they acknowledge it or not) and the difference in us all is how well we are able to handle it. Most of us have functional insanity, some get along fine with medication, and others have just crossed that line of no return. One of the social workers points out to Mr. Lopez during the movie that all the people he works with have been diagnosed and medicated to no end yet he doesn't see how it's helped. One lady in the film complains of how the lithium takes away the voices in her head and the voices in her head sometimes soothe her.
A lot of artists are often very close to the edge of being considered insane and many times jump off the cliff. I think Jamie Foxx is a true "artist" and in recent interviews he's spoken of having to seek professional therapy during and after portraying Nathaniel Anthony Ayers (diagnosed schizophrenic) for the film. Ayers is an amazing musician who left Julliard after the voices became too much. I am glad that his story has been told and his music is still making a difference. The voices seem to take a time out occasionally for Ayers, but thankfully the music never does. Good film! http://www.soloistmovie.com/
At the end of "The Soloist" we are told that there are over 90,000 homeless in the City of Los Angeles and I think more than anything, the film gives us an opportunity to stop and take a better look. Who are the homeless? Do we just lump them in a group under that title or do we actually consider the individual? Is there something we can be doing to lessen that number or do we just keep avoiding?
My ex-lust Djimon Hounsou was homeless on the streets of Paris when discovered by Thierry Mugler & oh how glad I am that Mugler took a second look at this particular homeless man. Steve Lopez, a journalist for the Los Angeles Times did the same thing with a homeless man by the name of Nathaniel Anthony Ayers and "The Soloist" tells the story based on the book written by Lopez of the friendship that formed.
I tend to believe that everyone has a bit of insanity in them (whether they acknowledge it or not) and the difference in us all is how well we are able to handle it. Most of us have functional insanity, some get along fine with medication, and others have just crossed that line of no return. One of the social workers points out to Mr. Lopez during the movie that all the people he works with have been diagnosed and medicated to no end yet he doesn't see how it's helped. One lady in the film complains of how the lithium takes away the voices in her head and the voices in her head sometimes soothe her.
A lot of artists are often very close to the edge of being considered insane and many times jump off the cliff. I think Jamie Foxx is a true "artist" and in recent interviews he's spoken of having to seek professional therapy during and after portraying Nathaniel Anthony Ayers (diagnosed schizophrenic) for the film. Ayers is an amazing musician who left Julliard after the voices became too much. I am glad that his story has been told and his music is still making a difference. The voices seem to take a time out occasionally for Ayers, but thankfully the music never does. Good film! http://www.soloistmovie.com/
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Life Is Not Always the Party We Expected
Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it lasts.
We should stop making our lives complicated.
Life is short
Break the rules forgive quickly, kiss passionately, love truly, laugh constantly
And never stop smiling no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected to be but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.
The words above were part of an email from a friend. Extremelly good words to live by though. How happy are you? What makes your hardships worst than the next person's? The only ones born who get out unscathed are the stillborn. So why not enjoy what we have?
It's been said many times before that we have all that we need right now and I believe that to the fullest. When I haven't had money, there's been a friend to feed me. When I didn't have a job, amazingly enough I survived and came out alive.
There's no challenge whatsoever in focuses on the wrongs in our lives but the true challenge lies in seeing the good in spite of.
I can always love, laugh, smile, cry, and be thankful for something & sometimes it might be the smallest of things. Why spend life being miserable?
We should stop making our lives complicated.
Life is short
Break the rules forgive quickly, kiss passionately, love truly, laugh constantly
And never stop smiling no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected to be but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.
The words above were part of an email from a friend. Extremelly good words to live by though. How happy are you? What makes your hardships worst than the next person's? The only ones born who get out unscathed are the stillborn. So why not enjoy what we have?
It's been said many times before that we have all that we need right now and I believe that to the fullest. When I haven't had money, there's been a friend to feed me. When I didn't have a job, amazingly enough I survived and came out alive.
There's no challenge whatsoever in focuses on the wrongs in our lives but the true challenge lies in seeing the good in spite of.
I can always love, laugh, smile, cry, and be thankful for something & sometimes it might be the smallest of things. Why spend life being miserable?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Passion
pas⋅sion /ˈpæʃən/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pash-uhn]
–noun
1.
any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2.
strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3.
strong sexual desire; lust.
4.
an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5.
a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6.
a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.
7.
the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him.
8.
an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words.
9.
violent anger.
10.
the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior (contrasted with action ).
11.
(often initial capital letter) Theology.
a.
the sufferings of Christ on the cross or His sufferings subsequent to the Last Supper.
b.
the narrative of Christ's sufferings as recorded in the Gospels.
12.
Archaic. the sufferings of a martyr.
Origin: 1125–75; ME (<> late OE passiōn), special use of LL passiō suffering, submission, deriv. of L passus, ptp. of patī to suffer, submit; see -ion Related forms:
pas⋅sion⋅ful, adjective
pas⋅sion⋅ful⋅ly, adverb
pas⋅sion⋅ful⋅ness, noun
pas⋅sion⋅like, adjective
Synonyms:1. See feeling. 6. fervor, zeal, ardor. 9. ire, fury, wrath, rage.
Antonyms:1. apathy.
Passion has to be one of my all time favorite words. The word, the definition, the act, just everything about it. One of the first things that I will ask a suitor is "what are you passionate about" or "what are your passions".
Now most seem to only think of sex when I ask that question but even in that context don't appear to truly grasp the actual meaning of passion. I dated one guy for about 6 years who know one would have ever thought to put with me. I'd tell people when they'd ask about my attraction to him that more than anything, I loved how passionate he was about everything. Either he really loved something or really hated it. There was no middle ground and that excited me.
Me? I'm passionate about music, films, books, children, my friends & family. I've had a couple of lovers I was very passionate about and I'm passionate about finding that passion again.
–noun
1.
any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2.
strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3.
strong sexual desire; lust.
4.
an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5.
a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6.
a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.
7.
the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him.
8.
an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words.
9.
violent anger.
10.
the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior (contrasted with action ).
11.
(often initial capital letter) Theology.
a.
the sufferings of Christ on the cross or His sufferings subsequent to the Last Supper.
b.
the narrative of Christ's sufferings as recorded in the Gospels.
12.
Archaic. the sufferings of a martyr.
Origin: 1125–75; ME (<> late OE passiōn), special use of LL passiō suffering, submission, deriv. of L passus, ptp. of patī to suffer, submit; see -ion Related forms:
pas⋅sion⋅ful, adjective
pas⋅sion⋅ful⋅ly, adverb
pas⋅sion⋅ful⋅ness, noun
pas⋅sion⋅like, adjective
Synonyms:1. See feeling. 6. fervor, zeal, ardor. 9. ire, fury, wrath, rage.
Antonyms:1. apathy.
Passion has to be one of my all time favorite words. The word, the definition, the act, just everything about it. One of the first things that I will ask a suitor is "what are you passionate about" or "what are your passions".
Now most seem to only think of sex when I ask that question but even in that context don't appear to truly grasp the actual meaning of passion. I dated one guy for about 6 years who know one would have ever thought to put with me. I'd tell people when they'd ask about my attraction to him that more than anything, I loved how passionate he was about everything. Either he really loved something or really hated it. There was no middle ground and that excited me.
Me? I'm passionate about music, films, books, children, my friends & family. I've had a couple of lovers I was very passionate about and I'm passionate about finding that passion again.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Drugs and Addiction
I was just reading an article about the new wave in "anti-addiction" drugs. It just doesn't even sound right to me. Drugs to stop addiction to drugs. Maybe I'm crazy but I think there's still something wrong with exchanging one addiction for another. To me, it says that the person is still sick. Still not well. Still unwhole.
But hey, we live in a society that loves and expects immediate gratification. We love the easy way out. We want something for nothing.
Unfortunately, those things don't bring much gain to our lives. We don't usually grow from them and there don't seem to be any long term rewards to be gained. In my experience, the hardest challenges I've had to conquer were the ones that gave me the most.
But hey, we live in a society that loves and expects immediate gratification. We love the easy way out. We want something for nothing.
Unfortunately, those things don't bring much gain to our lives. We don't usually grow from them and there don't seem to be any long term rewards to be gained. In my experience, the hardest challenges I've had to conquer were the ones that gave me the most.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wrongfully Judged
We all judge others at some time or another no matter how loudly and proudly we say we don't. I can remember seeing a 20 something with his jeans hung low showing his underwear and having a feeling of disgust. At that moment there wasn't a positive thought about this stranger going through my head. Then he stopped and held the door for me. Wow! In this day and time there are plenty men with their pants pulled up who won't open a door for a woman, give up their seat, or let her go before them. Here it was, this "thug" with his pants hanging off his butt being the perfect gentleman.
I should know better too because I truly fit in that category of not being able to judge a book by it's cover. I also love proving others wrong about me as well because I figure that perhaps I'm helping them learn the same lesson that I have to be reminded of as well from time to time. Get to know someone before making quick judgments. Ignorance is not something to be proud of whatsoever.
This thought was brought on by the following video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PPlkOyaqaQ
I should know better too because I truly fit in that category of not being able to judge a book by it's cover. I also love proving others wrong about me as well because I figure that perhaps I'm helping them learn the same lesson that I have to be reminded of as well from time to time. Get to know someone before making quick judgments. Ignorance is not something to be proud of whatsoever.
This thought was brought on by the following video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PPlkOyaqaQ
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sex
I'm putting together a Teen Summit for girls in the 6th-12th grades and our 3 main topics are Sex, Relationships, and Self-Esteem.
I truly believe that if the self-esteem is in place, the relationships with others will come together in a healthy way but sex seems to be a beast all of its own. Self-esteem plays an important role, but I don't think it plays the only role when it comes to physical desire and sensations.
I am not a virgin but I have a lot of respect for them and would love it if I could turn back the hands of time to when I was. I'd make a lot of different choices. I didn't have sex to make friends or find love or because of low self-esteem. I had sex because I enjoyed it and wanted it.
Unfortunately, it wasn't until I was in my 30s before I realized what a special thing it was to share. Without any doubt now I feel as if it's not something that should be shared so freely with just anyone but saved for that special someone. If they are demanding it or using it as a threat, they are not special.
Now I can't honestly say that I'm now saving it for marriage and will be celibate until then. I'm just saying that I'm going to be a lot pickier about who I do choose to share it with. There's such a great risk of disease out there that I'd hate to be left with one and thinking about how it came from someone I didn't respect or care about or truly know to begin with.
Hopefully I can help in keeping teens from following my mistakes.
I truly believe that if the self-esteem is in place, the relationships with others will come together in a healthy way but sex seems to be a beast all of its own. Self-esteem plays an important role, but I don't think it plays the only role when it comes to physical desire and sensations.
I am not a virgin but I have a lot of respect for them and would love it if I could turn back the hands of time to when I was. I'd make a lot of different choices. I didn't have sex to make friends or find love or because of low self-esteem. I had sex because I enjoyed it and wanted it.
Unfortunately, it wasn't until I was in my 30s before I realized what a special thing it was to share. Without any doubt now I feel as if it's not something that should be shared so freely with just anyone but saved for that special someone. If they are demanding it or using it as a threat, they are not special.
Now I can't honestly say that I'm now saving it for marriage and will be celibate until then. I'm just saying that I'm going to be a lot pickier about who I do choose to share it with. There's such a great risk of disease out there that I'd hate to be left with one and thinking about how it came from someone I didn't respect or care about or truly know to begin with.
Hopefully I can help in keeping teens from following my mistakes.
Aging
How long would you like to live if the choice was yours? I feel as if I'd be ready to go today and still feel as if I've had a great and very blessed life.
I'm only 41 but have a friend who turned 92 today. She still drives and keeps busy. She helps out elders who are actually younger than herself and she's my partner as well. She cooks once a month for the boys at a local drug treatment center and she works by my side in our supper club which serves residents at one of the AIDS houses here in Dallas once a month as well. She does most of the cooking for us for our every other month to feed the homeless and this is just a little bit of what she does to serve her community.
On the fun side, I take her to try out new restaurants and we see movies together. I loan her books and to be honest, it pains me to even think of not having her in my life.
My 92 year old buddy is definitely a testiment that getting older doesn't mean all you have left to do is sit down and age.
I'm only 41 but have a friend who turned 92 today. She still drives and keeps busy. She helps out elders who are actually younger than herself and she's my partner as well. She cooks once a month for the boys at a local drug treatment center and she works by my side in our supper club which serves residents at one of the AIDS houses here in Dallas once a month as well. She does most of the cooking for us for our every other month to feed the homeless and this is just a little bit of what she does to serve her community.
On the fun side, I take her to try out new restaurants and we see movies together. I loan her books and to be honest, it pains me to even think of not having her in my life.
My 92 year old buddy is definitely a testiment that getting older doesn't mean all you have left to do is sit down and age.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Movie - American Violet
- there are more than 2.3 million Americans behind bars
- every 17 seconds someone is arrested for violating a drug law
- approximately 13 million Americans are convicted felons, and 1 in every 31 adults (or 7.3 million Americans) is currently in prison, on parole, or on probation.
- American taxpayers pay over $40 billion dollars a year to fund the "War on Drugs".
- the rate of drug admissions to state prison for black men is 13 times greater than that for white men
At least one woman was 100% of her innocence and this time the DA picked the wrong black woman to lock up.
Her story is one that should make us all want to stand up for what's right. Not only just for ourselves, our families and those that we know, but for the rights of those that are being abused all over. We never know when that law that we blow off because we think it doesn't apply to us will one day come knocking on our own front door.
Alfre Woodard does a great job as usual and the film also stars Charles Dutton and Xzibit. I had not seen Nicole Beharie before this film, but am very much looking forward to seeing more of her in the future.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Boundaries
Some people just don't have them or seem to know what they are. I have a co-worker who fits this profile all too well. I have been mildly traumatized by some of the information that she has shared with me. Too much information is way too mild to describe what she does.
Misery loves company does explain how a fellow co-worker and myself make coping easier. Neither of us will go without sharing with the other. Once while I was on vacation my poor friend was left alone to suffer. The woman with no boundaries began by showing my friend pictures of her son on her cell phone. Without any warning came pictures of a lover's penis.
Yesterday, I had the pleasure. My mistake? Trying to be nice. I don't intend to be too friendly or inviting but for some reason since I have made a conscious effort to say hello & smile, it opens me up for conversation. I take all blame because I do know that this woman has no boundaries. My bad on that.
The conversation began innocently as always and before I knew it I was hearing how that when she's sitting on the toilet and grunting to take a dump, her son will come to help by pushing her stomach.
Why these things are happening is a big red flag for me to begin with. Why it's so easily shared takes it to a whole nutha/nutta level.
People need boundaries!
Misery loves company does explain how a fellow co-worker and myself make coping easier. Neither of us will go without sharing with the other. Once while I was on vacation my poor friend was left alone to suffer. The woman with no boundaries began by showing my friend pictures of her son on her cell phone. Without any warning came pictures of a lover's penis.
Yesterday, I had the pleasure. My mistake? Trying to be nice. I don't intend to be too friendly or inviting but for some reason since I have made a conscious effort to say hello & smile, it opens me up for conversation. I take all blame because I do know that this woman has no boundaries. My bad on that.
The conversation began innocently as always and before I knew it I was hearing how that when she's sitting on the toilet and grunting to take a dump, her son will come to help by pushing her stomach.
Why these things are happening is a big red flag for me to begin with. Why it's so easily shared takes it to a whole nutha/nutta level.
People need boundaries!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
What's My Type?
I went to see a movie with a friend over the weekend. During the preview of the new Wolverine movie, I whispered to her that I had always thought the Wolverine was hot and sexy when I watched the cartoons & how happy I was when I saw they had chosen Hugh Jackman to play the role. I then told her that even though I wasn't a Star Wars fan, I had a crush on Chewy as well. I then asked what she thought that said about me.
"You like your men strong and animalistic."
That was her answer. Made me think. Maybe so. Maybe it's the idea of security. A man who I feel can protect me. Maybe it's because I'm a big girl. I think of myself as strong. I'm strong willed, strong in my beliefs, and hey, I've taken a few martial arts class as well. The thought of a man who can hold his own with me is sexy. It's also hot to know that my man can flip me over and throw me down in the bedroom as well.
Maybe I do have a type after all........
"You like your men strong and animalistic."
That was her answer. Made me think. Maybe so. Maybe it's the idea of security. A man who I feel can protect me. Maybe it's because I'm a big girl. I think of myself as strong. I'm strong willed, strong in my beliefs, and hey, I've taken a few martial arts class as well. The thought of a man who can hold his own with me is sexy. It's also hot to know that my man can flip me over and throw me down in the bedroom as well.
Maybe I do have a type after all........
Monday, April 6, 2009
Why Are You Still Single?
I watched a show last night called "Tough Love". On the show, a male matchmaker tries to teach a group of single women what they are doing wrong and what needs to change in order for them to meet their match. His lessons are based on the male perspective and sometimes pretty interesting.
One of the issues last night involved a breakdown with a 39 year old woman who seemed confident, nice looking, professionally successful and intelligent. The breakdown happened after her match began drilling her about how it was that she was such a catch and single. Not only single, but had never been married.
I could feel the woman's anger about the man who she had let her guard down with and opened up to the possibility of trying to begin a relationship with all of a sudden not letting up about why she was single. I've heard the question over and over and it gets on my nerves. I'm 41, single, no kids, and never have been married. In all honesty, I've never had a serious true blue boyfriend.
Why? Because even as a teen, I've never felt as if it was something I just had to do in order to say that I had somebody. I've always had great friends and an active life, so I wasn't desperate for people to be with. I paid attention to the unhealthy relationships around me & saw no need to duplicate them. I actually like myself and enjoy my own company, so I don't need someone around just to entertain me. I've never been a "halfway" personality or dealt that well with grey areas either, so I figured that if I was going to make that comittment, I'd go all the way and saw no need to go there with anyone willing.
Most of all, just like the men who ask the question, I believe that I am a GREAT catch and so why should I settle for less than a man who would be of the utmost compliment to myself. I need a man who would be able to inspire even more greatness from me. A true helpmate. I see long term more than I see the moment when I think of relationships so why go there with anyone other than a man I'd want to spend a lifetime beside?
Okay, back to "Tough Love". The matchmaker, his mother, and one of the other girls in the group strongly felt as if this guy just couldn't believe that he was having the opportunity to be with a woman so great. Things seemed so good (and he's been hurt before) that there just had to be something wrong with her. He was messing up a good thing because he just couldn't believe that he had found it.
I could see it and I could understand. Does this mean that I should just be flattered when I hear that question over & over again? I'd like to be but unfortunately, I keep dreaming of that guy who will think that I'm such a great catch that he's going to do whatever it takes not to lose me. A man confident and secure enough to think that I'm the one he's always deserved.
One of the issues last night involved a breakdown with a 39 year old woman who seemed confident, nice looking, professionally successful and intelligent. The breakdown happened after her match began drilling her about how it was that she was such a catch and single. Not only single, but had never been married.
I could feel the woman's anger about the man who she had let her guard down with and opened up to the possibility of trying to begin a relationship with all of a sudden not letting up about why she was single. I've heard the question over and over and it gets on my nerves. I'm 41, single, no kids, and never have been married. In all honesty, I've never had a serious true blue boyfriend.
Why? Because even as a teen, I've never felt as if it was something I just had to do in order to say that I had somebody. I've always had great friends and an active life, so I wasn't desperate for people to be with. I paid attention to the unhealthy relationships around me & saw no need to duplicate them. I actually like myself and enjoy my own company, so I don't need someone around just to entertain me. I've never been a "halfway" personality or dealt that well with grey areas either, so I figured that if I was going to make that comittment, I'd go all the way and saw no need to go there with anyone willing.
Most of all, just like the men who ask the question, I believe that I am a GREAT catch and so why should I settle for less than a man who would be of the utmost compliment to myself. I need a man who would be able to inspire even more greatness from me. A true helpmate. I see long term more than I see the moment when I think of relationships so why go there with anyone other than a man I'd want to spend a lifetime beside?
Okay, back to "Tough Love". The matchmaker, his mother, and one of the other girls in the group strongly felt as if this guy just couldn't believe that he was having the opportunity to be with a woman so great. Things seemed so good (and he's been hurt before) that there just had to be something wrong with her. He was messing up a good thing because he just couldn't believe that he had found it.
I could see it and I could understand. Does this mean that I should just be flattered when I hear that question over & over again? I'd like to be but unfortunately, I keep dreaming of that guy who will think that I'm such a great catch that he's going to do whatever it takes not to lose me. A man confident and secure enough to think that I'm the one he's always deserved.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Friends
My friends have always seem to be better thought of as extended family. I've been blessed. I can actually say that I have some friendships that go back over 30 years now. I've never known the drama of a friend stabbing me in the back or just pretending to be my friend to get something. My friends are truly my friends. My family. I may not have made it to 41 without them. They have also been some of the main catalyst for growth in my life.
We come from such different backgrounds and walks of life. In a lot of cases even such different interests on the whole. But we all share a common bond. I think that the common bond is that we are all so unashamedly who we are without pretense. None of us ever has to pretend with each other nor the world. With such differences, we are all so comfortable together. Years can go by without seeing each other, months can go by without speaking, but when the time does come, it's as if we had never been apart.
Last night I got together with my old college roommates. She's the one that I can talk to about anything at all. We can talk politics, religion, sex, and most of all, we can talk honestly to each other about ourselves. We've said things to each other that have probably hurt when said, but the best part is that we've both realized later on the truth in those things and have grown because of them.
My friends/family have definitely been one of the biggest blessings in my life.
We come from such different backgrounds and walks of life. In a lot of cases even such different interests on the whole. But we all share a common bond. I think that the common bond is that we are all so unashamedly who we are without pretense. None of us ever has to pretend with each other nor the world. With such differences, we are all so comfortable together. Years can go by without seeing each other, months can go by without speaking, but when the time does come, it's as if we had never been apart.
Last night I got together with my old college roommates. She's the one that I can talk to about anything at all. We can talk politics, religion, sex, and most of all, we can talk honestly to each other about ourselves. We've said things to each other that have probably hurt when said, but the best part is that we've both realized later on the truth in those things and have grown because of them.
My friends/family have definitely been one of the biggest blessings in my life.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Left in the Dark
I often tell people that I've had a very interesting life up to this point & that there are things I've seen and done that I won't even share with my journal. Well, last night goes on the strange things that happen in Mamadoc's world list.
I've talked a bit about what it's like to meet guys online. I had a date with a guy who told me he liked to study his bible. I thought, cool. I was part of a 7 year study and we'd have some interesting conversations. Turned out, he was a Black Hebrew Israelite and within about 15 mins of the date, I was told that I was going to hell for having had dated a white man before.
I went on a dinner date with a guy who I seemed to hit it off with over the telephone. 5 mins into dinner, I was bored to tears. I can talk forever if I'm enjoying someone's company but on this date, I was pretty much dead silent. When my date said it was time to go, I think I may have actually leapt from my chair. So he walks me to my car and I give him a goodbye hug. I noticed that the hug was lasting a long time but no worries. The next thing I know he is kissing me - a big kiss too. By the time that the shock was over, I laughed. I figured that perhaps he thought that since he paid for my dinner, he was getting something out of the evening. I give him props for having the guts to go for it.
Today I told one of my oldest friends about my date last night and her response was that I had done a lot of strange things, but this was even strange for me.
I meet the guy online, we trade emails and finally I set up a date for last night. I go to his house (and yes, I always make sure that at least one person has all the information in case I don't make it back) and arrive about 20 mins late. Once I get there, I get my phone out to call him and realize that he called me almost 10 mins before the original time I said that I'd be there. He left a message asking where I was.
I get there, he takes me to his room and goes to take a shower. Comes out of the shower in his shorts and leaves the room. I have not seen or heard from him since. His wallet was there on the dresser with money & bank receipt sticking out. He didn't have on a shirt nor shoes.
Do you think he was kidnapped? I waited for about 25 or 30 mins because I was reading and enjoying the music. How long was I supposed to wait?
I've talked a bit about what it's like to meet guys online. I had a date with a guy who told me he liked to study his bible. I thought, cool. I was part of a 7 year study and we'd have some interesting conversations. Turned out, he was a Black Hebrew Israelite and within about 15 mins of the date, I was told that I was going to hell for having had dated a white man before.
I went on a dinner date with a guy who I seemed to hit it off with over the telephone. 5 mins into dinner, I was bored to tears. I can talk forever if I'm enjoying someone's company but on this date, I was pretty much dead silent. When my date said it was time to go, I think I may have actually leapt from my chair. So he walks me to my car and I give him a goodbye hug. I noticed that the hug was lasting a long time but no worries. The next thing I know he is kissing me - a big kiss too. By the time that the shock was over, I laughed. I figured that perhaps he thought that since he paid for my dinner, he was getting something out of the evening. I give him props for having the guts to go for it.
Today I told one of my oldest friends about my date last night and her response was that I had done a lot of strange things, but this was even strange for me.
I meet the guy online, we trade emails and finally I set up a date for last night. I go to his house (and yes, I always make sure that at least one person has all the information in case I don't make it back) and arrive about 20 mins late. Once I get there, I get my phone out to call him and realize that he called me almost 10 mins before the original time I said that I'd be there. He left a message asking where I was.
I get there, he takes me to his room and goes to take a shower. Comes out of the shower in his shorts and leaves the room. I have not seen or heard from him since. His wallet was there on the dresser with money & bank receipt sticking out. He didn't have on a shirt nor shoes.
Do you think he was kidnapped? I waited for about 25 or 30 mins because I was reading and enjoying the music. How long was I supposed to wait?
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Listening Skills
How well do you listen? Do you only hear or do you truly listen?
This is a thought that comes to mind for me quite often because many will brag about what great listeners they are but as I'm listening to them, my truth seems to differ. I once heard Dr. Maya Angelou say that "People show you who they are. It's your job to believe them, the first time." This is one of the few quotes comitted to memory for me and I think it's one that could save a lot of drama, grief, and headache for us. On the other end of the spectrum, it might bring us blessings and joy that we could possibly miss out on in our unawareness.
A few friends used to get on me all the time for being "too picky" when it came to men. My argument was that within 10 mins (if that) a person has usually said something that gives me a clue as to who they are. Or better yet, said something that has thrown up a red flag that says there is no need to go down that path any further.
Listening incorporates more than words. Feelings and actions are also part of it in my opinion. I'm a natural spectator and I think God blessed me with the gifts of listening & hearing. I pray to never lose these gifts or have them fail me.
Have I been fooled before? Yes. Will it happen again? Possibly. Like everyone else, I'm not beyond making mistakes. I do try to not make the same one more than once though.
This is a thought that comes to mind for me quite often because many will brag about what great listeners they are but as I'm listening to them, my truth seems to differ. I once heard Dr. Maya Angelou say that "People show you who they are. It's your job to believe them, the first time." This is one of the few quotes comitted to memory for me and I think it's one that could save a lot of drama, grief, and headache for us. On the other end of the spectrum, it might bring us blessings and joy that we could possibly miss out on in our unawareness.
A few friends used to get on me all the time for being "too picky" when it came to men. My argument was that within 10 mins (if that) a person has usually said something that gives me a clue as to who they are. Or better yet, said something that has thrown up a red flag that says there is no need to go down that path any further.
Listening incorporates more than words. Feelings and actions are also part of it in my opinion. I'm a natural spectator and I think God blessed me with the gifts of listening & hearing. I pray to never lose these gifts or have them fail me.
Have I been fooled before? Yes. Will it happen again? Possibly. Like everyone else, I'm not beyond making mistakes. I do try to not make the same one more than once though.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Online vs In Person
As I've gotten older, I just don't have the desire to go out to the bars or club as often as I once did. I'm also a people watcher & most of the folks out here to not be that interesting to watch and surely not that interesting to talk with. There have been several times when I leave thinking that I just wasted money to be bored.
The down side of this is that I don't meet a lot of dating prospects. I do get out but at most of the events I attend, most people are already there with dates and I'm never going to date any of the people I work with through my community service. No one of interest at church either.
So that leaves the world of online dating. I'm still not very good at it or that comfortable with it but have tried a few times. A big part of the problem for me is the number of responses that come after posting an ad. It's easy to just delete the one who appear to have not read my ad all the way through & those who just don't follow the directions given, but there are usually still a few that seem of interest as well in the bunch.
Do I make dates with all of them? Would the men be insulted if I tell them that it might be a week or so before we could meet? How do I word it? Do I say that I'm going to give someone else a chance first, but if we don't hit it off, I'll get back to them?
For the most part, I get overwhelmed with it, delete the ad and try to distract myself with other projects.
The down side of this is that I don't meet a lot of dating prospects. I do get out but at most of the events I attend, most people are already there with dates and I'm never going to date any of the people I work with through my community service. No one of interest at church either.
So that leaves the world of online dating. I'm still not very good at it or that comfortable with it but have tried a few times. A big part of the problem for me is the number of responses that come after posting an ad. It's easy to just delete the one who appear to have not read my ad all the way through & those who just don't follow the directions given, but there are usually still a few that seem of interest as well in the bunch.
Do I make dates with all of them? Would the men be insulted if I tell them that it might be a week or so before we could meet? How do I word it? Do I say that I'm going to give someone else a chance first, but if we don't hit it off, I'll get back to them?
For the most part, I get overwhelmed with it, delete the ad and try to distract myself with other projects.
Just Go Ahead and Smile
I stopped by the store on my way in to work this morning and one of the men commented on what a big smile I had so early in the morning. My immediate response was "why not?" Things haven't necessarily been going my way lately and I haven't been getting what I think I want, but the smile is still there and it's very sincere.
For me, this is just more proof of that inner joy that can't be removed. Through it all, I am still able to look at how many blessings I do have and just a few minutes of current events prove that it can be much worse. I woke up at home this morning & not on the street. I made a breakfast shake for nourishment and energy & am not sitting here hungry. My car started and got me to work safely & I wasn't standing in the cold, wet weather waiting for a ride. Finally, I made it to work as opposed to being at home sending out my resume for the millionth time and making appointments to see yet another recruiter.
The sun's not shining outside right now, but it is in my heart and soul.
For me, this is just more proof of that inner joy that can't be removed. Through it all, I am still able to look at how many blessings I do have and just a few minutes of current events prove that it can be much worse. I woke up at home this morning & not on the street. I made a breakfast shake for nourishment and energy & am not sitting here hungry. My car started and got me to work safely & I wasn't standing in the cold, wet weather waiting for a ride. Finally, I made it to work as opposed to being at home sending out my resume for the millionth time and making appointments to see yet another recruiter.
The sun's not shining outside right now, but it is in my heart and soul.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday
I'm listening to the newest Prince album "Lotusflower" and so far I like. He's truly one of my favorites, was on my list of Three Famous People I'd Like to Meet, and he's definitely on my Dream Jam list. Actually, he's the only one on that list. I would love to one day just have at least an hour to sit and play music with the man. As for the cd, I've come to realize that I may never hear a new song that I love as much as some of the older ones, but I'm so far liking this one because I do feel as if I'm listening to something new, something familiar, something creative, and something more than the usual. As prejudiced as I am in Prince's favor, I do admit that there is at least one cd of his that I listened to once or twice and now can't even tell you 1 song that's there.
It's a good Monday. It's not warm & sunny like yesterday, but hey, at least I've got Prince.
It's a good Monday. It's not warm & sunny like yesterday, but hey, at least I've got Prince.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Forever Learning
I like Sundays and today was a very nice one. The weather was warm and sunny and I had a date with with a couple of family members.
I learned something about myself. We went to Chef Kent Rathburn's newest restaurant here in Dallas. About 5 mins after being seated, I spot the man himself. I got so excited. It was funny. I'm such a fan. I asked the waitress if it was him just to be sure and she said "No. Chef Rathburn is not in the restaurant today." Well, I figured she was just clueless and when the manager walked past, I asked him. Of course if was Kent Rathburn.
I then asked for an autographed menu and I actually got to shake the man's hand. Now, I have never been a groupie and figured it was because of the fact that I'm a musician, have several friends who are artists, have been around celebrities, and consider them just people like myself. Today I found out just how excited I get by a man who cooks REALLY well.
A man in the kitchen is just plain ole hot!
I learned something about myself. We went to Chef Kent Rathburn's newest restaurant here in Dallas. About 5 mins after being seated, I spot the man himself. I got so excited. It was funny. I'm such a fan. I asked the waitress if it was him just to be sure and she said "No. Chef Rathburn is not in the restaurant today." Well, I figured she was just clueless and when the manager walked past, I asked him. Of course if was Kent Rathburn.
I then asked for an autographed menu and I actually got to shake the man's hand. Now, I have never been a groupie and figured it was because of the fact that I'm a musician, have several friends who are artists, have been around celebrities, and consider them just people like myself. Today I found out just how excited I get by a man who cooks REALLY well.
A man in the kitchen is just plain ole hot!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Dating and Communication
I'm fine going out alone and I have fun with myself but I find no shame in saying that I'd love to be stepping out with my man tonight. That would be if I had a man. Hence the subject of this blog. I try to be as honest as possible right off in who I am and what I'm looking for. I understand that everyone is not going to be attracted to me and that every man was not meant to be with me. I usually think that by getting a much as I can upfront, this would save time.
Not the case & so now I'm thinking that it's just mis-communication. Are men really hearing anything women are saying in the beginning or are they just wondering how long it would take for them to get sex?
Not the case & so now I'm thinking that it's just mis-communication. Are men really hearing anything women are saying in the beginning or are they just wondering how long it would take for them to get sex?
Friday, March 27, 2009
No Reason for Boredom
I'm sitting at work counting down the hour. It's been a slow day and I've been bored. There's never a need for boredom though because there's always something we could be doing/working on/creating/making happen.
Sometimes we just don't want to and would rather be bored.
Sometimes we just don't want to and would rather be bored.
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